PedalMonk

So many times in life we face challenges and think, "I must figure this out by myself".  In my ongoing life lessons, I have learned that this is far from the truth.  If we are willing to reach out, there is someone willing to grab our hand.  Having a chronic illness can put us in the uncomfortable position of having to ask for help.  We made it so far in life and we prided ourselves on figuring out most of this stuff on our own.  Suddenly(or not so suddenly sometimes), we are thrust into a new life because of illness.  A new "normal" if you will, that forces us to rethink our position in life.  Transverse Myelitis(the disease I was inflicted with) is a particularly cruel illness that can take away our independence, our will, our desire and more.  We may not have learned how to ask for help before TM, but now we are forced to in some cases.  For me personally, it took me 10 years before I even met another person with TM.  No wonder ...

Before being hit with Transverse Myelitis, I used to rank myself among friends, family and co-workers.  I was either above them or below them.  If a co-worker appeared to be better at their job, then somehow I was less than.  If I felt smarter than someone, I would judge them and they were beneath me. This type of thinking was terrible as it always made me feel like I was never good enough. When I became disabled, I carried this, less than/greater than, type of thinking with me.   If your disability appeared to be worse than mine than I was better off.  Or, if you could physically do more than me, then I was below you.  The problem with this type of thinking is that it limited me. I could not possibly be suffering from PTSD because that's only for the military or victims of a crime, right?  How could I possibly compare myself to these two groups? For that matter, I could walk where as others were in wheelchairs with this same disease, so who am I t...

I am tired of being scared, afraid, feeling like I am alone, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, feeling hopeless, letting depression win, having anxiety attacks, feeling worthless, wishing there were others who could truly understand what I'm going through.  My hope is that a few people find this site who are struggling with their illness and realize they aren't alone, that there is hope, and by sharing our stories with each other, we can overcome anything.  When I was 21(1993), I was inflicted with a rare neurological disease called Transverse Myelitis.  I was paralyzed from the chest down and ended up in a wheelchair for several months and then onto a cane for a few more months. My name is David Hilliard.  I am now 46 years old. From the outside I look normal, talk normal, and mostly walk normal.  Every once in a while someone, usually a co-worker, wants to know why I'm limping a little.  I just simply tell them I have a bad ...